My Personal War

It's taken me a long time to force myself to actually sit down to write this here post. I had all sorts of excuses and thoughts of self-loathing that lead me to this eventual place. I'm writing, that's one of the things that I love to do so why do I avoid and fear it so? For that answer I turned to a book that has long sat on my bookshelf unopened: 'The War of Art' by Steven Pressfield. I've been feeling sorry for myself and trying desperately to avoid life for the last weeks and I hated it. As much as I found it hard to shake these feelings I also wanted out but I had no idea where to turn. One evening last week I found myself feeling terrible, being lazy and hating it and I whined out loud to some, to me unnamed entity, that may or may not exist, that I needed help, I wanted out of this rut I had found myself in. Without knowing why within the next few days I had picked up the aforementioned book and began to read it and low and behold it had the answers!

When I first moved to Toronto I had this romantic notion that my life would suddenly be exactly what I had always wished and hoped for, but sadly this dream has not been realized yet; even though it has already been 3 bloody months! So I found myself back in to my normal self-induced drama-fest inside my head and I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. According to Pressfield and his book I was letting 'Resistance' (to borrow his term) to get the best of me. Resistance in the book is described as the force that keeps us stuck in the comfortable and stuck fearful of pursuing our true desires and anything that could lead to betterment of ourselves. In the simplest terms Resistance prefers immediate gratification (in any form) and tries to destroy our resolve when committing ourselves to something that would require delayed gratification. It feels good to personify this force that has plagued me my entire life whenever I set out to accomplish anything worthwhile. It is in essence self-sabotage, which is something that I unfortunately know all too well. Any time I've tried to pursue a healthy or creative endeavor Resistance rears it's ugly head and most of the time I let it win.

I am not special or unique in my battle with Resistance, however some people are better or worse at battling and defeating this mighty foe. I wonder if this is something that is engrained in some of us: that some are naturally better at winning the Resistance battle than others or is it a learned abiltiy that can be taught and practiced and improved upon? I know that current research into the notion of Willpower has demonstrated that willpower is like a muscle that improves with use, atrophies with disuse and can tire with overexertion. In that sense I believe the notions of willpower and Resistance are closely related. As much as this book revealed some universal truths that have been dancing around the peripheries of my psyche for a long time, it's not necessarily new or ground-breaking ideas. The cure for Resistance according to Pressfield is to simply 'do the work'. Sounds simple, however it's not necessarily easy. It's a daily struggle in which an artist, entrepreneur, someone endeavouring to be healthy, etc. must be constantly vigilant. Pressfield does offer advice in setting yourself a schedule, but his advice can be summed up as quit your whining and get to work. A writer is not a writer unless they write, a painter is not a paint unless they paint and in my case an actor in not an actor unless she acts. Pressfield also highlights the difference between being an amateur that dabbles and a committed professional that takes their endeavour as serious, life-alternating business.

I attended a meditation workshop with a friend this week and I had an experience during the guided meditation that lead to an important truth being revealed to me. This truth being that I lack focus, one of my major problems that has plagued my adult life is the 'shiny-object syndrome' so named by me, just now. (other may call it ADD/ADHD, but I believe it to be more of a symptom of a larger modern western civiliation disease). The instructor explained post-meditation that meditation's ultimate goal is to focus our minds on one single object/idea, in this case our breath, while fighting the minds natural tendency to wonder. It felt like the first time I actually understood what meditation is all about and that was a wonderful feeling to finally know what my problem was and to have a concrete, doable solution. In discussing the meditation afterwards with my friend who also attended, she highlighted something that was revealed to her in her own meditation that I could also relate to. While our instructor spoke she explained that true happiness comes from within, from a mind at peace, which is the ultimate goal of meditation, and that we often seek happiness in external sources that eventually prove to be unsatifying so we move onto the next thing. My friend said that that sounded very familiar in her life and I agreed. We both experience that need for constant change in our lives in order to feel satified and at this point in our lives we are feeling a bit anxious because things are so steady and change is not necessary. I think we both walked away from the session realizing that we should embrace our current circumstances and seek to change our internal worlds instead of the external.

In conclusion, I've started a few things this week and recommitted myself to the many endeavours I have set my sights on this year. I now feel like I have a more realistic viewpoint of my situation. I know it won't always be easy and I'll have to wake up everyday with the resolve to better myself and create something  wonderful. In this vain I know the hard work with be rewarding and will lead to real happiness. It has to be better than the unhappiness that my continual instant gratification affords. What about you: what are some tricks, tips or techniques you use to keep yourself motivated and on track when working on a long-term project? As always, here's to your uncommonly healthy and wealthy life. Ciao!

The Resolution to End All Resolutions

Welcome back to my blog! This week I want to talk about a personal New Years resolution that I made to myself but I haven't shared on this blog...yet. As you may have guessed, that's exactly what I intend to write about in this here blog post. So, buckle your seat belts and get ready for a mundane and possibly coma-inducing ride! Yippee, here we go! :)

Resolution number one for me was to be more assertive. What I mean by that is the fact that I have a tendency to let people push me around a little too much because I want to seem 'nice' and I want to make sure everyone is happy. This comes from a deep-seated fear that I will one day turn into my mother. I have always thought that being overly 'nice', easy-going and worrying about other peoples happiness is a way to fight turning into the crazy bitch that I know I have inside of me. I've been raised by society to be 'nice', because I'm female and no one will love me and/or marry me unless I'm a nice girl (ugh). So this has been drilled into my head since a young age by family members and pop culture alike as well as the fact that being 'selfish' is the worst thing in the world. What I'm realizing as I get older is that trying to make everyone else happy is an exhausting and futile endeavour that leads to my own unhappiness and ironically turns me into a crazy bitch. What I've noticed from examining previous friendships and relationships is a pattern that goes something like this: I put on a show at the beginning so that people will like me; I'm easy-going and let people get away with whatever they want (hence setting up our relationship to one another early on), then as we start to get closer I feel more comfortable being myself and then all of a sudden my needs aren't being met and it starts to get to me and I get angry/upset and in some instances I have a temper tantrum (the crazy bitch emerges) and enough of these instances happen to lead to the eventual alienation of my friend/boyfriend. This is a pattern I want to stop right now. So my solution is to start accepting and loving myself for the crazy bitch that I am. I'm going to become friends with the bitch inside me and become more assertive in all my relationships about my needs and wants and whether they are being met (or not) through constructive communication.

As an example, I used to live with my parents and my mother is a bit of a control freak and she tries her best to control what I do with my time and my life. This was easier for her when I lived there but now that I no longer live with her I'm noticing that I have a few other 'mother-hen' types in my life who also like to control my time. In the past I would become highly resentful of this fact and just stew and possibly vent to other people but with this resolution I'm determined to talk things out and put my foot down concerning my life and my time. I don't want to just replace my mother with another controlling person (which I've done in the past). No, I want my life and my time to be my own. I've been wondering lately what is it about me that attracts these type of people to me; the people who feel like I'm the type of person who is easily controlled and needs other people to lead me around by the nose? I'm an easy-going person about certain things but other things I'm very rigid. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm a social person and I love being around other people and I enjoy spending time with the people I care about. In this vein I end up putting myself and my life as secondary to other people because I want those people as part of my life and too often I have put my life on hold for the sake of socializing. Socializing has always been a top priority for me over many other important endeavours to the point where school, work and even important relationships have suffered in the past. I have a fear that if I put myself and my own endeavors as top priorities over socializing that I'll have no friends. It may seem childish but it's part of a greater fear of being alone and/or that I'm not good enough and/or unlovable that I believe everyone struggles with their whole life.

Now that I've unpacked the past and the possible reasons, what is the solution? The solution as I've devised is to make myself and my happiness a priority. As counterintuitive as this sounds, being more 'selfish' and more assertive and taking care of myself first will lead to a greater ability to share myself with others and take care them when needed. This will make me a better partner, friend, sister, aunt and daughter. Instead of hurting myself to make everyone else happy I'll take care of myself and the people who really care about me will be happy that I'm happy. This is a poignant topic for me right now because I've come up against a few important people in my life who it seems like are trying to fight me for control of my life, yes you heard that right: MY life. I think this stems from an inability on their own part to value themselves, their time and take control of their own lives that ultimately makes them unhappy. I believe these people feel powerless and out of control in their own lives and therefore react negatively to other people gaining control of their lives and that leads to attempts to sabotage the person who is getting their shit together and taking care of themselves. I need to start working a bit harder to guard myself from these kinds of negative influences in my life and if that means I need to start minimizing my time spent with them then unfortunately that is what I will have to do. I hope I can be an inspiration for these people to get control of their own lives and start making their own happiness a priority the way I intend to do. I really do wish this for these people, even though some may seem too far gone, I will still hold out hope until the very end.

In examining all my New Years resolutions for 2014 I realize that none of them are achievable without this very important first resolution. In looking at my past 'failures/mistakes' concerning resolutions and trying to take care of myself and make a better life it can all be boiled down to my inability to be assertive and make myself a priority. I think an important part of self-love and self-betterment is to make ME the number one priority in my life because I am enough and I am worthy of love and the best way to show the world this fact is to truly believe it and live it everyday. It won't always be easy but I've discovered a few fun techniques to help me in this endeavor; such as journaling and instagraming. In specific: I've started a 365 grateful campaign on instagram in which I post something I'm grateful for everyday on instagram in order to start loving the life I have and a way to increase my happiness now. I'm also going to start a journal in which I write 3 things I value in myself or 3 ways I've added value to the world everyday. I hope to inspire some of you reading this blog to maybe do the same or something similar. In what ways are you being more assertive in your life and taking back your power and living your life your way? As always, here's to YOUR uncommonly wealthy, healthy and happy life! :)

2 Month Anniversary!

I'm coming up to the 2 month mark of my move to Toronto! :) I know, thank you, thank you, it's been great. It seems only necessary to stick with the tradition of reflecting on the time past when celebrating an important anniversary such as this one. I can hear you now: but it's only been TWO months: that's nothing! However, let me occupy the next few hours (or minutes, depending on how fast you read) of your life in convincing you that these have been the most important 2 months of my adult life thus far.

I was thinking of starting at the beginning but instead I'll start with right now, this moment right here, and then I'll go backwards. At this very moment in time I'm feeling super happy and grateful and honestly I can hardly tell you why...I feel giddy and full of energy and just overall full of joy. I intend to take this time in examining this seemingly odd attitude of mine because that's just the type of person I am: I really like to know the why's in life, maybe why I enjoy mysteries so much...?
Anyways, so the last 2 months, including the first few weeks of the new year (2014) I've been living life in the big city and loving every minute of it.

The main point I want to make about this new life of mine is that it has finally forced me to realize some essential life lessons. These are lessons that I know many people have been trying to tell me and trying to get me to learn for years and I know that at 29 I seem a little late to the party but you know what they say: better late than never?! Right?! Ok, ok so I've been a bit of a girly woman, woman child, lady girl... I'll work on the term but you know what I mean: the Peter Pan syndrome. I've been acting like a big baby for years, kicking and screaming: 'I don't want to grow up!' I know I've touched on this a bit already in previous blog posts, but it definitely bears repeating because this is a paramount moment in my short life on this Earth. In the past I've been a bit of a nihilist towards modern western society, myself and life in general. I was really just a big whiny baby who was afraid of her own shadow (Peter Pan reference again). There were some people in my life who didn't really want me to grow and change (and possibily move on from them), but the people who truly love and care about me really wanted me to grow up and I reacted (predictably) as any child would when they don't get their own way: with a temper-tantrum. So for those people who have stood by, pushed me and believed in me all throughout my temper-tantrum years: I'm sorry, thank you so much and I love you.

Ok, so bear with me, there is a point to all this. One of the main lessons of growing up is taking responsibility for myself and my situation/life. I really loved blaming those people in my life who I preceived as keeping me stuck and society in general and all other manner of extraterrestrial forces for my situation at any given time. I realize now that if there are things in my life that I'm dissatisfied with then it's absolutely my responsibility to do something about it. For example: I'm currently at a weight and body shape that I'm not satisfied with and I've been whining and complaining about it for years and blaming this, that and the other thing for my over-weightiness and looking for an easy way out,a magic pill or someway to be the weight I want to be without any hard work on my part. Well, I think I've finally (I know!) realized that all those things have done nothing to get me in shape. This weekend I told myself: if you are unhappy because you're fat then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Stop eating crap and stop being lazy. So Saturday morning I woke up: did some calisthenics, yoga and then I went for a run and it felt great! I make all sorts of excuses about time, money, energy, society, blah, blah, blah but really it all comes down to me and I'm sick of hearing myself whine and I'm sure everyone else is as well. So I downloaded Zombie Couch to 5k and I'm going to get into shape running from zombies and saving the human race from the 'zomb-scruge' (so aptly named...by me). I honestly can't wait, for the first time in my life I'm actually excited to workout and the best part is I have a couple workout buddies, which will help me stay accountable! :)

So in taking this all together a big part of my growing up and finally becoming an adult is learning to take responsibility for myself and my life as well as learning how to delay gratification. I guess a good way of describing it is that I've now become my own parent and my inner child is FINALLY out of her rebellious stage and we're getting along marvelously like an adult child & parent should. There are a lot of things that I really want RIGHT now but I finally realize that's it's worth the wait to delay until I'm ready. I can wait to be in my own place, I can wait for my dream vacation until my debt is paid of, I can handle the long-haul of doing a lot of hard work to get the body, career and life I want. I'm in this for the longterm, after all this is my longest and most crucial of relationships: the one with myself.

Ok so on a somewhat related note: I'm going to give you an update on my New Years resolutions that I wrote about in my last post. I wrote about saving money and paying off my debt and so far I've paid off 1 (out of 3) of my credit cards: which is an amazing feeling! Granted, it was my credit card with the smallest amount but these small victories are worth so much in terms of my mentailty towards paying off my debt. For the saving side of things: I've set up my bank account so that $50 comes out of my paycheck automatically every payday and into my TFSA (tax-free savings account), but that's not enough to reach my $2000 goal by the end of the year, so for my first February paycheck it will be uped to $100. I must admit that I haven't been doing the best with the working out and healthy eating thing for the last 2 weeks, but as I previously stated, I'm on the right foot now and going forward. I plan on doing the couch to 5k workout 3 times a week and then I'll add aerobics and swimming on my off days and yoga everyday. I'm also going to eat according to a diet plan inspired by Tim Ferris' '4-hour Body' in which I minimize eating the 'white devils' 6 days of the week and leave myself a cheat day once a week, where I can eat whatever I want. I've decided that Saturday will be my cheat day and I'll reserve that day for the once a week that I can eat out as well. I know myself and I know that a cheat day is very important to helping me stick to a somewhat restricted diet. My job is still going great: I'm still in training and kicking butt. I finally feel like I'm meeting some new Toronto peeps and I'm getting visits from old friends and I'm putting in time into my new relationships since I've decided to go back home less. I know it'll take time to really set up a life and a friend circle here but so far I'm on the right track. I've also accepted that I'm no longer in school so I don't have that kind of schedule: I'm ok with going to bed at 9/10 pm most nights because my sleep is very important to me. As you may or may not have noticed it has also been exactly 2 weeks since my last blog post so I'm on a roll with that so far. I've decided Sunday is going to be my blog day (for now, that may change once I start into shifts) and that this blog will take on a more fun & humourous feel from now on. Lastly, I've decided what my screenplay is going to be about! You know the one I plan on writing this year...? Don't tell me you forgot already, sheesh. Anyways I've written down some preliminary notes and I must admit it sounds promising so far. I have yet to research how to properly write a screenplay but I'm not worried, that's the not the hard part.

So I'm not perfect but I'm doing pretty great so far with my resolutions, especially considering I've never actually stuck to any previous new years resolutions, so go me! :) How are your resolutions coming along? Do you have any advice for sticking to them that could help me (or anyone)? Please share! Thanks for reading all the way to the end and as always have a wonderful and uncommonly wealthy day and life! :)

New Year

As 2013 comes to a close it's time for me to reflect on the year that's ending and make plans and set goals for the upcoming year. I've always been the type to make New Years resolutions, however I've pretty inconsistent about my follow through. I want this year to be different and I know it will be. So what makes this year so different: I'll unpack that for you now.

A little over a year ago was January 1, 2013 and in looking back at where I was and the person I was in that moment seems very different to who I've become. I'm not perfect and I still have many places to go and lots of work to do on myself but I'm starting this year from a much better place than last. At this time last year I was living with my parents and working a part-time minimum wage job. I was very happy to be employed considering the previous year I had been unemployed. So I made the usual New Years resolutions of paying down my debt and getting in shape, but the most important was achieving independence through achieving a full time job. By the end of 2013 I had achieved my most important resolutions: a full-time job in another that has definitely given me independence and I know it will lead to a better financial future and overall future for myself. 

As 2013 winds down and I'm preparing for 2014 I'm feeling like a new person, the kind of feeling that I'm finally reaching adulthood and a maturity level I never thought possible. This in large part due to the fact that I was finally forced to take care of myself and my own life because I'm no longer living with my parents. It feels great to finally be independent and have the feeling of not relying on anyone else for my life. I finally feel free to do whatever I want with my life and the possibilities are endless!

In looking back at this year I can also say that I've learned some highly valuable lessons that I will carry over into the new year. I've learned:
- That 'adulthood' doesn't relate to the number of years under your belt, it's a state of being, feeling and acting;
- Working full time while also taking care of yourself and your life is hard work and I understand why I delayed it for so long, but in doing so I feel like I've also delayed a lot of the benefits that come along with it;
- In moving several hours away from friends and family I've been forced to fend for myself by feeding myself, paying for myself, cleaning up after myself and all the tedious tasks that go along with 'adulthood';
- I finally feel like if I could get to a place where I'm living the life I want, I'm taking care of myself and my responsibilities on the regular and with consistency, maybe then I'll be ready to take care of another person and have them join my life;
- If I really want something then I need to work at it continually and consistently everyday.

Another important resolution that I made last year was to become more assertive in my life. This included finding out what I want out of life and the things that are important to me and then fiercely defending myself and these things from the outside world. I experienced many things this year that helped me to become more assertive and I now have a better idea of what I want from life. I also realize that it's more important to me to be assertive in what I want from life then trying to please everyone. I want to have a happy and harmonious life and I realize as I'm getting older that I have less tolerance for falseness and untruths; therefore I will continue to simply my life through assertiveness going into 2014. 

In honour of the new year I've made a list of some very specific new years resolutions that will serve me in the coming year:

- Pay off a least a quarter of my total debt this year. 

- Put $2000 in savings this year. 

- Take a trip out west this year. 

- Workout at least 3 days a week that includes running, swimming, yoga and body weight exercises.  

- Eat healthy everyday by preparing my own meals with minimal wheat, diary and sugar. 

- Eat out a maximum of once per week. 

- Overall goal of losing 50 lbs by the end of the year. 

- Excel in my job, do the best I can every shift and stay out of the drama and politics. 

- Maintain my current relationships, meet new people, make friends, explore the city, expand my horizons and learn new things. 

- Expand my cake decorating, chocolate working, baking and tea horizons through courses, workshops and experimentation and start setting the foundation for a thriving business. 

- Improve my web presence by writing a blog post every 2 weeks. 

- Learn how to properly write a screenplay and then write one.

So as you can see I do have some lofty goals for this year and I could look at that list and get overwhelmed but I really know I'm capable of it and that I can handle it. I've been letting myself off too easy in the past and now it's time I start making myself accountable to myself because if I don't do it no one else will. As always here's to an uncommonly wealthy life and new year! :)

The Completion of the Purge

I previously wrote about my quest to minimize my life by purging a lot of my material goods and I have realized that in the summer I just barely scraped the surface. I'm moving to a new city this weekend for a great job opportunity and a move is a great way to force yourself to purge. So I have finally completed the great purge of 2013 that I first embarked on in the summer. Here's the breakdown:

Here is some visual evidence of what I was up against in the context of all the stuff I had stored in my parent's basement:

As you can see, it was a mismatch of boxes, furniture and bags. It was quite the task: that's for sure! I started by making notes that read 'donate', 'garage sale/sell', 'keep/store', 'keep/move' and 'garbage/recycle'. I then just began going through everything and matching it to the corresponding note and sorting everything into piles. I consolidated a lot of the stuff I wanted to keep to either move or store in a few plastic boxes instead of having all sorts of random bags and whatnot hanging around. It took me a few days and a little help from my friends but I did it! 

What I learned in doing this purge:
- Sometimes it's hard to part with material possessions because of the perceived value and/or emotional attachment associated with these items;
- It definitely helps to have an unbiased second or third party to ground you in reality when trying to decide whether to part with certain items;
- In the end it's just stuff and it ultimately doesn't make me a more happy person nor defines who I am as a person or my worth to society;
- It feels really great to purge myself of a lot of the stuff that has been weighing me down physically and emotionally for many years.
- I've spent a lot of money over in the years in accumulating all this stuff and sometimes spending money I didn't have;
- There are many areas in my life that I can look to for becoming more minimalist;
- Now that I've purged the best way to continue in my minimalism quest is prevention;
- The best form of minimalism is to appreciate and use all the possessions I already have as well as loving and taking care of them.

Here is my 'after' picture of all my stuff:

The top left picture is the stuff to move, the top right picture is stuff in storage in my parent's basement, the bottom left picture is a couple pieces of furniture to move and the bottom right picture is the stuff to sell, donate or throughout. As you can see, it's a lot more manageable and organized.

I'm personally feeling much lighter after doing this purge and I hope it inspires others to do the same. It took a move to motivate me to get my butt in gear for my purge but you don't need an excuse: you can purge at any time. If you're thinking about doing a purge in the near future here is a handy chart, that my sister found and sent me, that may help you sort through the chaos:

Good luck with your purge and please share what worked, what didn't work and what/who helped you in your journey to minimizing your life. As always here's to your uncommonly wealthy life! :)

November Resolutions

It is now November and with it comes the winter weather. As much as I love the snow and winter sports, I do not; however, look forward to the cold weather and I would prefer to hibernate throughout winter or else live somewhere warmer. November also signals that we're nearing the end of the year with only 2 months left in the year! Wow, that doesn't seem like a lot but it is more than enough time to start some new things and ingrain some new habits and patterns into my life. So instead of waiting until January and the beginning of a new year to make some resolutions, I've decided to make some November resolutions and start working on them now so that come the new year I have some new habits and patterns already ingrained so that it becomes much easier to continue in 2014.

 

First of all, the most important change I want to make to my life is to become a more positive person. I'm not talking about the kind that leads to denial and helplessness, I'm talking about the kind that doesn't allow the external world to dictate my internal state. I'm talking about decreasing my own suffering by taking responsibility for my life. This includes decreasing complaining, excuse making and blaming the external world for my troubles. Instead I want to work on always looking for a silver lining in every situation. This may seem like a somewhat simple task, however it is not; it will take much practice and patience to unlearn old habits and patterns of thinking and seeing the world and learn a completely new way.

We are socialized to be negative and realistic but it is not our nature, just think of children: they are the most positive, wide-eyed optimists I have ever met! Then we teach them that it's not realistic and life is hard and blah, blah, blah. All those limiting and false beliefs that keep us supposedly safe and in our comfort zones. For example, back in the summer I was experiencing a bunch of external circumstances that at the time I thought were making me happy, but even when I had these things in my life and especially when they were gone I found out that I wasn't truly happy internally. I'm realizing that in order to live a happy and fulfilled life I need to be happy with myself in the here and now regardless of my external circumstances. Sometimes this is hard to do, especially when going through particularly difficult times or situations.

Next I need to start being accountable to myself about where my time and energy goes. In the past I have just gone with my whimsy and let others take control of my time. In that sense I let friendships and relationships and family members control my time and energy and let them create distractions for me. Then I would get sad and depressed that I felt like my life wasn't my own and I would never get done the things I actually wanted to do and wanted to put my time and energy towards. The solution to this, I have realized, is to tightly schedule and regulate my time and fiercely protect this schedule from outside intrusion. This is going to be a hard one for me but I have taken a cue from S.A. Wilson and her unwavering dedication to her craft and you can too.

Another important part of my journey for the end of this year is to let go of my attachment to expectations and outcomes. For example, I seem to always be planning 10 steps in the future and thinking about what will become of me if this and that happens or doesn't happen instead of enjoying the present moment. In this sense I seem to sabotage potentially good things by getting angry, upset and frustrated when situations, things and people don't live up to my expectations. I intend to focus on enjoying the present while planning for the future and letting go of the outcome. This means doing what I can to plan and schedule my life and do things that will get me to the life I want and deserve but at the same time enjoy where I am now and enjoy the process and the journey and also have faith in the universe and the fact that everything is happening FOR me and exactly how it is supposed to.

Wow, that's a lot to tackle and I know it will take a lot of diligence and work in the same way that being positive will, but I am fully prepared for the hard work. I want to work and I've been looking for meaningful and fulfilling work my whole life and I realize now I will never find it in the external world in the form of a job, career or occupation; I have found it in the form of personal development and work on myself.

I used to dread the future and 'growing up' because I couldn't see a clear path towards it but now that I've let go of that 'vision' for my future I'm more excited and I am actually looking forward to it. I can see that my future holds so many possibilities and that is exhilarating. I now look forward to living those moments because that is all we really have: the present. Instead of living in my head I am going to live in the here and now. I am looking forward to an amazing and wonderful life in my future but I will live it and enjoy it when I get there, for now I will enjoy where I am because I will never be here again and I will never have this moment back. Why skip over the now in order to have some illusion of a beautiful future? The future will come no matter what but in the meantime I am going to work hard, have fun and enjoy the process! As always here's to your uncommonly wealthy life! :)

The Start of My Life

Last week I had a bit of an epiphany moment and it came courtesy of the universe and finally listening to myself. I feel like I'm finally listening to my inner wise old woman, my inner child and the signals from the universe. I've spent the majority of my adult life fighting; fighting myself, my friends, my parents, my family and society. And where has it got me? Good question that I have answered in a previous blog post but to sum it up: I'm out of shape, overweight, unhappy, almost 30, in debt, living with my parents and working a going-nowhere part-time job. I feel lost and this week was a highlight of those feelings as I felt like I was hitting rock bottom emotionally. I've put on a really good external face that I'm happy with my life and I'm ok with just scraping by, but I'm not. I'm tired of putting my life on hold while I "get my shit together", ie: working just to work in order to pay off my debt and then I'll start living and being happy. Screw that! I'm sick of it, I'm sick of playing small and trying to ignore the nagging from my soul!

I've ignored my true self and my true calling for way too long because I've bought into all the naysayers and the negativity from the people who supposedly care about me and love me and just 'want the best for me'. Well their idea of what's best for me is not my idea of what's best for me and I KNOW it's not what's best for me! I used to fight in the right way, when I was younger I used to fight for myself to prove the naysayers wrong. When someone told me I couldn't do something or that something couldn't be done, it was like it became a challenge for me, a personal internal challenge to prove those people and society wrong. I always wanted to be the person who did the things that no one thought was possible or were too afraid to try themselves. Somewhere along the line I lost that fight, I lost that drive, I lost my true grit and I'm ready to bring it back!

While I laid in my bed one day last week, in the throws of a crying episode, I realized that my entire world view needs to change. I realized that I'm trying to approach my life the same way every time and every time I've found myself back at the beginning and no where closer to where I want to be but I keep trying the same thing again and again and expecting different results, that is the definition of insanity is it not...?!

So here I am at the cusp of the rest of my life and instead of playing small, instead of buying into everyone else's opinions, instead of just giving in & giving up I'm going to do it differently, I'm going to go against the grain and against all the traditional advice and follow my heart! So far the traditional advice has not worked because I'm not a traditional person and I'm never going to just fit into and accept the status quo. It's time I truly embraced my true self, my deepest held dreams and desires and went after what I wanted with the fight and drive I know I possess and prove all the naysayers wrong! I can no longer wait until the "timing is right" because it'll never be the right time, I must create the right time and create the life of my dreams because I refuse to go to my grave regretting all the things I didn't do. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried, I actually gave it all the effort and power it deserves and I know I possess before admitting defeat. I seem to like to take a self-defeatist attitude toward myself, my dreams and my desires a lot of the time. I've been a supreme saboteur of my own life for way too long, but no longer, no longer will I allow my internal gremlins/demons destroy me!

I've been talking in general so far and now I want to break down the specifics of what my life will entail moving forward into the future:

- I will no longer apologize for being myself or for expressing my true self or my dreams and desires;

- I will take responsibility for my own happiness and not let external people, circumstances and events dictate my internal state;

- I will embrace my shadow self and my various emotions, look at them and deal with them and express them without apology;

- Accept that I may have to lose a large part of my current life in this pursuit but also realize I will gain so much more in this new life;

- Take care of myself and my body everyday through self-love & acceptance and by only putting the best stuff into my body, being active and spiritual;

- Continue to strive for all the tenants that are important to my uncommonly wealthy life

- Work hard everyday and in every way and stop letting myself off the hook;

- Stop giving away my power by blaming other people, situations and society for my life; take back my power by living purposefully everyday;

- Find something to be grateful for everyday and enjoy the life I'm living right now;

- No longer allow FEAR to run my life and keep me small;
- Enjoy the journey! :)

This is going to be the start of something new and amazing for me and I know it won't be easy and it won't be smooth sailing the entire time but I can't let small hiccups be my excuse to give up or give in. I'm prepared to keep working hard in the face of what may seem like insurmountable odds because this is what I've always wanted and can no longer ignore. I also realize that it'll be amazing and exhilarating as well and that I'll be happy and more fulfilled. Life and the universe will open up in response to my acceptance of this invitation. World: here I come and as always here's to your uncommonly wealthy life! :)