Monday, October 07, 2013

The Start of My Life

Last week I had a bit of an epiphany moment and it came courtesy of the universe and finally listening to myself. I feel like I'm finally listening to my inner wise old woman, my inner child and the signals from the universe. I've spent the majority of my adult life fighting; fighting myself, my friends, my parents, my family and society. And where has it got me? Good question that I have answered in a previous blog post but to sum it up: I'm out of shape, overweight, unhappy, almost 30, in debt, living with my parents and working a going-nowhere part-time job. I feel lost and this week was a highlight of those feelings as I felt like I was hitting rock bottom emotionally. I've put on a really good external face that I'm happy with my life and I'm ok with just scraping by, but I'm not. I'm tired of putting my life on hold while I "get my shit together", ie: working just to work in order to pay off my debt and then I'll start living and being happy. Screw that! I'm sick of it, I'm sick of playing small and trying to ignore the nagging from my soul!

I've ignored my true self and my true calling for way too long because I've bought into all the naysayers and the negativity from the people who supposedly care about me and love me and just 'want the best for me'. Well their idea of what's best for me is not my idea of what's best for me and I KNOW it's not what's best for me! I used to fight in the right way, when I was younger I used to fight for myself to prove the naysayers wrong. When someone told me I couldn't do something or that something couldn't be done, it was like it became a challenge for me, a personal internal challenge to prove those people and society wrong. I always wanted to be the person who did the things that no one thought was possible or were too afraid to try themselves. Somewhere along the line I lost that fight, I lost that drive, I lost my true grit and I'm ready to bring it back!

While I laid in my bed one day last week, in the throws of a crying episode, I realized that my entire world view needs to change. I realized that I'm trying to approach my life the same way every time and every time I've found myself back at the beginning and no where closer to where I want to be but I keep trying the same thing again and again and expecting different results, that is the definition of insanity is it not...?!

So here I am at the cusp of the rest of my life and instead of playing small, instead of buying into everyone else's opinions, instead of just giving in & giving up I'm going to do it differently, I'm going to go against the grain and against all the traditional advice and follow my heart! So far the traditional advice has not worked because I'm not a traditional person and I'm never going to just fit into and accept the status quo. It's time I truly embraced my true self, my deepest held dreams and desires and went after what I wanted with the fight and drive I know I possess and prove all the naysayers wrong! I can no longer wait until the "timing is right" because it'll never be the right time, I must create the right time and create the life of my dreams because I refuse to go to my grave regretting all the things I didn't do. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried, I actually gave it all the effort and power it deserves and I know I possess before admitting defeat. I seem to like to take a self-defeatist attitude toward myself, my dreams and my desires a lot of the time. I've been a supreme saboteur of my own life for way too long, but no longer, no longer will I allow my internal gremlins/demons destroy me!

I've been talking in general so far and now I want to break down the specifics of what my life will entail moving forward into the future:

- I will no longer apologize for being myself or for expressing my true self or my dreams and desires;
- I will take responsibility for my own happiness and not let external people, circumstances and events dictate my internal state;
- I will embrace my shadow self and my various emotions, look at them and deal with them and express them without apology;
- Accept that I may have to lose a large part of my current life in this pursuit but also realize I will gain so much more in this new life;
- Take care of myself and my body everyday through self-love & acceptance and by only putting the best stuff into my body, being active and spiritual;
- Continue to strive for all the tenants that are important to my uncommonly wealthy life
- Work hard everyday and in every way and stop letting myself off the hook;
- Stop giving away my power by blaming other people, situations and society for my life; take back my power by living purposefully everyday;
- Find something to be grateful for everyday and enjoy the life I'm living right now;
- No longer allow FEAR to run my life and keep me small;
- Enjoy the journey! :)

This is going to be the start of something new and amazing for me and I know it won't be easy and it won't be smooth sailing the entire time but I can't let small hiccups be my excuse to give up or give in. I'm prepared to keep working hard in the face of what may seem like insurmountable odds because this is what I've always wanted and can no longer ignore. I also realize that it'll be amazing and exhilarating as well and that I'll be happy and more fulfilled. Life and the universe will open up in response to my acceptance of this invitation. World: here I come and as always here's to your uncommonly wealthy life! :)

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