Emotional Seasons

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my emotions and feelings and specifically emotional seasons. I believe that just as the Earth goes through natural cycles that are marked by periods of hibernation, renewal, growth and change; we too as humans experience similar seasonal changes related to our emotions. 

I know that I, for one, have experienced periods of joy, sorrow, frustration, positivity, anger, happiness and more. These changes may or may not be linked to external factors such as the weather but more than likely it relates to internal struggles or epiphanies. 

Let me give you an example from my own life in terms of the emotional season that I'm currently wading through. 

Recently I've been experiencing what can only be described as an angry season. I've felt like I've had a very short fuse in regards to issues that really amount to very trivial things in the grand scheme of things. I recognize that I'm being irrational and needlessly irritated but even with this realization I still find myself quick to anger. What exactly is going on with me and what can I do about it?

These are the questions that have been rattling around in my brain throughout this current emotional season. I'm already starting in a good place in the fact that I'm self-aware enough to recognize what's going on. Ok, great, I know what's happening but why and what can I do about it?

As a side note I want to make it clear that I believe it's important to feel your feelings when they happen without trying to suppress them and without being too self-indulgent. It's a fine line I know and one that I'm still working to define but I think it changes all the time. 

Now I'm at point where the same issues that are making me angry are coming up time and time again and I've reached the point of self-indulgence. It's time to either accept or act. As that old saying goes: something along the lines of give me strength to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I cannot accept...? Or maybe that's my version.

Action time: I start with some personal explorations of the deep recesses of my brain, then I think back to what has been happening in my life lately and then I dig deeper to reveal the real reasons for my anger and frustration and then I tackle them.

So after much contemplation about my life circumstances and my feelings surrounding them I've realized that it all boils down to expectations. More precisely unmeet expectations. I've always enjoyed dreaming and planning for the future and as much fun as this can sometimes be, it also has a dark side; the anger, frustration and resentment that can arise from reality being incongruent with my imaginings.

I moved away from my hometown about a year and a half ago and in doing so I left behind many friends and most of my family. As much as moving away and being forced to take care of myself has been a good thing for me and finally forced me to be an adult, It has also been very hard. When I moved to the 'big city' I had a lot of expectations about what my life would look like and I realize now how childish those expectations were. 

I've always enjoyed imagining that my adult life would look like a friends or sex in the city episode but that's all it is; fun and fanciful imaginings. However, I think that deep down a part of me did expect my life to look all fun and shiny like the TV shows of my youth, and it does not. It may seem silly but I think it's important to hold onto the childish and youthful side of ourselves as adults and sometimes children are mini philosophers and sometimes they're quite silly. 

I guess this is one of those times where I have to remind my inner child that TV and movies aren't real and that reality is not the same but that doesn't mean it's worse. The thing about TV shows and especially movies is that they gloss over the everyday and sometimes boring things that make up life and in doing so make it seem like life should constantly dramatic. Honestly though, life can be so much better than these portrayals if we take the time to stop, look and appreciate. 

So how do I plan on getting over my angry season? I'm already starting to feel better having explored it and now written and shared about it. I'm going to lose the expectations and enjoy my current life. I'm going to make the best of my current situation and be pleasantly surprised by whatever life brings me. Honestly at this point in my life I'm enjoying the downtime, quiet and dramalessness that a boring adult life brings. 

As I feel the storm of my angry season lifting I'm looking towards the beautiful blue sky for the inevitable rainbow while enjoying and creating my uncommonly wealthy life. Cheers! 😊🌈

Experiences Instead of Stuff

Many things have happened in my life since I lasted posted. All of these things have lead to me making a paramount life decision. This decision was always something that I felt and knew but that I didn't necessarily intellectually accept until just recently. This fundamental life truth is that I would rather spend my time, money and energy accumulating amazing life experiences instead of stuff. I have always felt this way however I'm only now realizing what this actually means and will entail. Let me explain.

Ever since I can remember I have always felt out of place in this world in which we call our modern western society. I have never understood the motives, desires and attitudes of my peers. I have always been one to feel (and at times act) rebellious towards authority figures, peers/colleagues and our society. I never understood the desire of females my age to rush into a 'fairy tale wedding' with any old guy just so they could walk down the aisle in a princess dress and/or their desire to procreate as soon as possible. I also never wanted to be dependent on anyone else for my life and livelihood, especially my partner. I never understood why people make themselves miserable and sick working at a job they hate for a soulless corporation that could care less about them just so they can buy a bunch of stuff, move to the suburbs, buy a house, car and have 2.5 kids all while accumulating piles of debt that lock them into their soul-sucking jobs and keeps them chained to their debt and location-dependent. When I think about the future of our so-called adult lives, why does anyone want that, why does anyone do it? It just sounds so terrible to me and a never-ending cycle. Once we settle for the things that don't make us happy in our lives it becomes easier and easier to settle for other not so great situations like toxic relationships and social injustices (to name a few).

By accepting the status quo we feed into it and it will never change. I just never understood and still don't understand the appeal of living this average life just like everyone else. I think there are others who have felt and/or feel this way, however as we grow older the world beats you down and you may find that you start to question yourself because you can't see any alternatives...most of the people you know, meet, trust and even love live this way and/or strive to live this way. So somewhere along the line you give in, little by little and it chips away at your resolve and you get caught in the cycle. It's like a trap and it's very hard to escape because oftentimes your friends and family are your jailors.

One of the major symptoms of this 'modern society mentality' (aptly named by yours truly) is the consumerism pathology. This pathology is characterized by an obsessive compulsion to consume as witnessed by overspending, buying things that one does not need, spending money one does not have and in extreme cases hoarding. Consumerism can be thought of as an addiction in a similar manner to the way we describe addictions to gambling, sex and/or food to name a few. The compulsive shopper gets a high from a new purchase in an effort to fill an emotional void in their life and then finds themselves feeling emptier (& poorer) than before when the high quickly dissipates and they're off again chasing a new, stronger and better high than last time.

I know this pathology very well because I have succumbed to it in the past and I'm still firmly in its grasps. Earlier in my adult life I found myself lost, alone and damaged and instead of listening to myself and the universe I listened to society and made some colossal mistakes. I had lost my trust in myself because of mistakes I'd made that hurt myself and my loved ones so I thought I could make up for it by doing what I was told, but that didn't work out so well. In ignoring my own instincts and the signs from the universe, I set myself up to fail, which was the one thing I was so afraid of doing. I realize now that mistakes are inevitable and a natural part of life and especially important in our development and growth, which was a huge step forward for me. However, before I realized this fundamental life lesson I went through a depression that was fueled by compulsive spending.

So I'm here today feeling like my life is making a lot more sense and I think I'm figuring it out, slowly but surely, but I'm still living with the consequences of my previous actions. I am shackled by credit card debt and a student loan with not much to show for it and I find myself dependent on other people (my parents) to sustain myself. I could have a really negative outlook on the entire situation, which I have in the past, but instead I have chosen to see the positive in it. I'm slowly chipping away at my debt and living with my parents has given me the freedom to explore myself again and to truly figure out my life and calling. I will also have a chance to explore living more of the life that I've always wanted and that starts with becoming minimalist.

I realize that another part of being a minimalist is to appreciate what I already have, even if that's not much, instead of always wanting more and wanting what everyone else has. So a major goal that I would like to add to my summer purge challenge is the appreciation of what I already have. I have also been inspired lately by a few life-changing experiences and amazing new people who have entered my life that have all reinforced my own feelings and the messages from the universe that rich life experiences are way more important to me than a bunch of stuff that I barely use or look at and just gather dust. Therefore, I'm here today to re-devote myself to minimizing my life by purging my stuff so that I can eventually become a location-independent globe-trotter full to the brim of awesome memories! :)